It’s ok to feel like a drag queen

There are many things in life that completely drain my energy and propel me into a state of frustration and crankiness.  Looking back on my life I have many regrets, but none more so than wishing I had more time to enjoy the little things.  I try hard to make the most out of life for I feel very blessed.

In my garden this morning, being “helped by Pedro” I had a bit of a different perspective on life and the things I may begrudge.  Turning that frown upside down, this is what I came up with.

Dishes in the sink.  While it is lovely to have a spotless kitchen, what actually matters is the fact that I have had time and money enough to prepare meals lovingly for my family.  This means a LOT to my Ukrainian/Polish heritage.  If there are dishes in the sink, that means that we had enough money to prepare a meal.  It was touch and go for many years, especially going through Kev’s immigration process.  There were times I went without meat for supper so my family would feel full.  Times I survived on wax filled Cup o Noodles so I could feed my family more nutritious food.  Dishes in the sink, I appreciate you.

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Being the president of my snowmobile club and the past Provincial president can drive a person to drink.. more. Oh man the endless pressure and frustrations from people who simply can not get along.  Dealing with founders syndrome (people who think they OWN the bloody club to those who simply refuse to support or help the club make me want to toss the metaphorical towel in and say screw this!  Oh how awesome it would be to simply enjoy an event rather than being responsible for the organization and execution.  Or to simply go out and ride fresh white powder with no other obligation,  but then I remember I can help make a difference.  I can use my voice and hopefully save a life and grow the sport responsibly.  I can help mentor youth, and facilitate the creation of trail systems where grandparents can enjoy the day with their grand kids.

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Laundry piling up is not something I begrudge any more.  This means that I have a house full of people to love  It may sit clean and unfolded on my living room chair, but I am so thankful that my children are here.  One grown and gone, the next soon to leave for college, I really will miss folding the socks and underwear.. wait.. who am I kidding I have a sock basket, help yourselves and hope for a matching pair.  My friend Meg, who’s fiance died in a recent avalanche said something about laundry that inspired a new outlook.  She explained how hard and emotionally crushing it was to only be doing laundry for one.  Nick is gone, and she is now doing laundry for one.  I get it now.  Thank you Meg.

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Noisy kids, and loud music… I love it!  Ok sure perhaps not when I’m trying to write an article, but that noise is actually a blessing.  It means that the kids and their friends, and their friend’s friends are loving to be in our house.  We are the cool house!  Sage has the most ridiculous taste in music in my opinion and it irritates me to no end when his thug gangsta ditties fill the house, but that also means that he has his own mind and his own taste in music.  Sure I’d love for it to be music I like like his brother Leo, but how cool is it that he is expressing his own creativity.  It can be expressed a tad quieter but all in all, go for it Sage Dawg.. Yo Hommie blast those tunes in my crib but don’t pop a cap in anyone please.

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Only finding the left shoe of every pair of shoes I own isn’t neccessarily a bad thing.  It means my little chocolate lab Pedro is having fun with his shennanigans.  Socks.. the little dude is obsessed with socks, and gathers them from around the house and makes piles in random spots.  He is such a joy in my life.  He makes me laugh and loves me more than anyone or anything on earth.. even more than socks.  Grizz his big brother is pretty patient.  I love that dog with all my heart.  How blessed am I to have such amazing animals.

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Kevan’s golf obsession actually has some perks for me.  Quiet time in my garden.  Time one on one with the kids and the ability to make meals like lazy cabbage rolls, borscht and other meals that Kev absolutely hates.  Kev golfing gives him “man time” so that I can have “me time”.  I dig it.  I also love the fact that he takes the time to teach me the game of golf.  I’m far less serious about the game then him.  He is quite strict and has many rules such as I must wear shoes and a shirt.  I can NOT play in the water hazzards or chase random chickens on the golf course, but all in all it is a pretty fun game that we can enjoy together.  In all honesty I’d rather be dirt biking than golfing, but hey some golf courses have little coolers on the cart for beer… so I’m ok with it.

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Kev is always hungry and wanting a meal.  I must admit, in the middle of my morning I tend to get a bit frustrated by his need to be fed.  My mom used to say “are your arms painted on”..which, in translation means do it yourself, but I really do see the other side.  I am able to spend time with my husband throughout the day.  His shop and our home are on the same property.  I am able to feed him healthy foods made in our home saving our family money and keeping him on the healthy path of life.  I am thankful he loves my cooking more than any place else he could eat.  It really does make me burst with pride and love when he says “honey that is delicious”.

We are not rich, but that is also ok.  Each year we are getting more and more of a solid foundation financially working together to secure our future. That means a lot to me and feels so rewarding.  To work as a team with my husband supporting our family.  We are a team.   Recently a friend, urging me to follow him on his get rich quick scheme told me I can quit all of my jobs if I work really hard with their multi level product line they were selling.  Really?  Quit all my jobs.  I LOVE my jobs, I mean REALLY love.  I get to write, I get to teach children, I get to work with bears and work in the snowmobile industry.  WHY would I want to quit them?  I am proud of the path we are on, and in all honesty while we may not have oodles of dollars, I feel rich and incredibly happy with my life.

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Weeds, although I may succumb to swollen eyes, hives and itchy skin while weeding my garden, I have a MASSIVE garden to feed my family with.  I have produce out the wazzoo and for that I am thankful. I could have done without the excessive weeds this first year in my new garden.  So excessive they choked out my potatoes when I was busy working, but hey next year it will be that much better as will the year after.  My garden in our new home is on it’s way to being incredible and for that I am thankful.

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I kind of feel like a drag queen if I have to get dressed up for an event.  This doesn’t happen often thank GOD.  It’s ok though.  I am blessed to be a bit of a tom boy.. ok a total tom boy and my husband loves me this way.  I love sledding, fishing, dirt biking and being out in the back country.  My kids have grown up like little bush babies which has made them stronger and more grounded I feel.  It’s ok to feel like a drag queen when you are following your passions in life.

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fishing

 

I guess the moral of the story is if you step back and look for things to be thankful for redundant tasks and tiny frustrations could actually be your greatest blessings.  Life is short and sometimes not fair, but it is always good. Life can be hard, and sometimes the only way to deal with something is to face it head on and go through it.  In the end life is worth it, and life matters.

 

 

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