Do you ride with a Beavis, Caillou, Paris Hilton or Donald Trump?

While the snowmobile community is usually tight and inviting, there are some personality types that are perhaps a little less desirable to ride with than others.

  1.  Tinker Bell:  Tinker Bell usually never has his/her ride together.  Forever wrenching and tweaking, they will hold the group up with “one more clutch adjustment” and many other wrenching needs that should have been completed and tested before coming along on a ride.  Tinker Bells need to learn that time and daylight are scarce during winter months and no one wants to be waiting for you to perfect your ride every time you are out.  Mechanical breakdown is a part of sledding, but if you know your machine needs some work perhaps perfect your ride before heading out with others on a serious shred day.
  2. Tommy Tune Alot is actually the cousin of Tinker Bell.  Yes Tommy your brand new Turbo is awesome… yes we are all envious of your horsepower and bad assedness… but can you Tune on your own time.  Granted many of today’s turbos are pull and go, Tommy thinks he can simply get that little bit extra out.  If you want to tune, do it on your own time
  3. Beavis and Butthead:  You know these two.. they have the least amount of knowledge yet seem to encourage each other to do incredibly stupid things. ” Hey Butthead, you think I can drop that line and avoid that tree?”  “Settle down Beavis. This is only gonna hurt for like a minute or something.” – Butthead beavis and butthead
  4. Professor Perfect:  You know the type, been there done that and loves to state the obvious and critique your riding skills?  Ya, me too.  Holy man we get it.  You have skill, now shut up about it and let me hit trees in peace.
  5. Mr McTrenchy can dig a trench like no other.  Completely lacking in throttle control, Mr McTrenchy destroys technical single track lines, and constantly digs himself to China, making for a very …very long day. It is even worse when McTrenchy is your group leader.. Follow me he will say then, completely destroy any chance of following him through technical sections of trees and off camber trails which lead to play areas.
  6. Jim Beam and his buddy Johnny Walker… holy hell dudes, excessive drinking and riding really don’t mix if you’re out in the remote back country.  Pull your head out and make better life choices… love momJohnny Walker
  7. Caillou.. For those without kids… Caillou was one children’s program that I absolutely refused to let my kids watch.  He whines, he complains, and whines more and for some odd reason always gets his way.  Oh I forgot the pouting part.. yes he does that too until he gets his way. The Caillou shredder… “I’m cold.  I’m hot.  My muffpot isn’t warm enough.  My goggles are fogging.  I hate trees.  I hate open spaces.  I hate my sled.  it just never ends.. Usually people try to help poor whiny Caillou.. but don’t .. that just feeds that irritating grating behavior. Suck it up butter cup!  Sledding isn’t for Caillou especially when you have to stop shredding a deep, and I mean deep blower pow zone to accommodate them.  true story.  (disclaimer.. do not google or youtube Caillou.. you will NEVER get that whine out of your mind) caillou poutcaillou
  8. Paris Hilton, seriously who could picture her sledding.. oh but she tries.  Make up done to the nines, every little detail matching right down to her sports bra, which you are certain to see at least once on that ride.  Yearning to be a superstar sex symbol shit gets real when her mascara smudges or those bodacious tata’s she was flashing suddenly need a skin graft. The whole Don’tchya wish your girlfriend was hot like me thing gets old real quick.   Paris, stick to Beverly hills.  You don’t NEED to let the snowmobile world revel in your sexiness.. oh wait.. yes you do.. I forgot. Paris
  9. Donald Trump.  You know the dude.  Obnoxious A hole who hates anyone new riding with the group especially “foreigners”.  This is really difficult to navigate if you are organizing a ride with your out of town friends.  If the Donald comes along he is rude and cold to the out of town riders creating friction and drama. Ya not many of us would like The Donald in our group.  With love from a Canadian Snow Mexican  Eh! donald
  10. Droopy Dog.  Back in the day I remember a cartoon featuring a clinically depressed basset hound.  Droopy Dog was such a downer, and unfortunately makes appearances in a shred zone near you.  Droopy hates riding, but still owns a sled.  Droopy is always selling his sled but he still sleds.  Droopy has dropped out of the shred game so many times it’s exhausting to count.  Here’s a tip Droopy, if you want to ride, go out and enjoy it.  If you are not enjoying yourself don’t ride, but your perpetual depressed state of being is really a downer for those who live and breath fresh dry pow. DroopyLife is too short to take seriously.  Get out there, ride hard and have fun.  Be safe, and always know that we, snowmobilers, are simply the hippest most fly people on the planet!

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