Off road vehicles come in several forms. We have ATV’s, Side by sides, dirt bikes and snowmobiles. With one thing in common, these powersports machines are all designed to get off the beaten path and allow riders the opportunity explore the wild and wondrous back country. It appears some individuals who participate in back country powersports have a specific agenda. Clearly actions speak louder than words. These super stars of the powersports world don’t need “greenies” to rally for closures.. they can do it all themselves. Here’s what it looks like.
How to shut down motorized recreation in ten easy steps
- Alcohol. Alcohol is a must if you are planning on catching the attention of those who want to shut us down. Make sure to have a cup holder mounted giving easy access while you navigate the back country. Bottles are great to pack with you, for usually they will shatter, making the ride out much lighter. What’s a little forest fire sparked by broken glass.. it’ll give those pine beetles exactly what they deserve.
- After consuming your beverages be sure to leave the cans and bottles out in the back country.. you know cub scouts and do gooders will be on that trail, it’s an active area. Let them pick up your garbage and maybe even make some money along the way. No sense in depriving kids their spending money.
- Go fast. Go very fast, everywhere. People will be amazed by your greatness as you speed by them. Blow by those going slow.. it will inspire them to ride faster.
- When ATVing, leave that mud in the back country by riding through every creek and stream bed you can find. No sense in coming home dirty.
- On your ATV, make your own trail. Only pansies stick to the trail. There is ample foliage out there, what’s a few plants and saplings?
- Implement the loudest exhaust you can find. You will be the envy of all the other people who headed out into the back country. Once they hear you, it will be clear who the GOAT is. Spark arrestors are stupid. Remove them from your dirt bike, again teach those pine beetles who’s boss and start that fire.
- Let your locks flow. Helmets are over rated, only wimps wear brain buckets. Chest protectors and other safety gear is over rated. Chicks dig scars.
- Ride in closed areas. This is where the greatest riding is don’t you know. Those closure signs are simply a suggestion.
- Show the world how tough your kids are and put them on the highest horsepower machine you can find. This will surely impress the masses. Your kids don’t need no stinkin safety equipment. They are that tough.
- Whatever you do.. absolutely do NOT join a club. You’ll have no time for riding with all the trail brushing, and work those silly club members agree to. Let them do the work, so you can play.
Clearly I’m being sarcastic, and these ten steps are examples of how we can be our own worst enemy. Sometimes it isn’t the greenies or Y2Y causing closures, it’s humans behaving badly. Alcohol and motorized recreation don’t mix. If you pack it in, pack it out. Ride responsibly and respectfully out there and abide by laws set forth whether you agree with them or not. Protect waterways and the animals dependent upon them. Whether it’s disruption of a spawning bed, or damage to the landscape around.. there is no excuse for disrespecting the balance of nature. Never harass wildlife. If you have youth riders, they need to be on an age appropriate machine, supervised by an adult. We can fight lang closures if we are all on the same page, making an effort to protect and preserve the lands we enjoy. Join a club.. a unified voice is much stronger than a single voice, especially in the face of politics and potential closures.